His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
