I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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