how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
