I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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