I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
