guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
