not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
