he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
