I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Randomize
