mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize