Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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