They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
