Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
