you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize