Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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