Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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