dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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