Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
