Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize