my mouth tastes like poor choices
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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