I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize