Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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