Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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