I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
