Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
