My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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