i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i've created a new STD.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
