If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
