the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
