Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
