I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize