yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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