guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
