I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
