I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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