I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
