They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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