Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
