I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize