I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she looked like the before picture.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
