i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
as a side note pls kill me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
