Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is classic penis vs brain.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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