and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
