We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
