she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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