I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
