sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
