sarcasm needs its own font
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize