i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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