o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
