its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
