I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I smell like Dick and happiness
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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