You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
