If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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