if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
