took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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