I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
