as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
