i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize