another moral hangover. fuck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
