The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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