hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
