Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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