I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
