quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
