he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
