so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
