If that was your dad, he is hot
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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