so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
