did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Randomize
