hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
