I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
