Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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