how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
