Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Someone signed my nipple.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
