I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
