I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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