This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
