Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
