Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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