tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
