She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
