Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
