No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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