Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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