Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize