he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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