he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
