Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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