is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
