I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize