it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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