I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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