Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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