He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
