Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
