Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
