woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
