I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
