Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
