I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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